Skip to main content

Jewish Humor: Torah Students at War

I've seen in the news a lot lately that Israel is talking about requiring haredi (right wing religious Jews) to serve in the military just like everybody else. Their exemption from the military has been a sore point for secular Jews in Israel, who are the overwhelming majority of the population. The haredi, meanwhile ...

believe that they are providing the best possible service: by studying Torah and observing it, they keep the Creator on Israel's side, which, they say, is much more valuable than anything they could do on the battlefield. It all reminds me of an old joke about students from a Torah academy serving in World War I...

*    *    *    *    *

The story goes that the Russian army in World War I needed some cannon fodder for the front lines, some disposable people who could waste the enemies' time and artillery by getting shot and killed. The Russians hated Jews, so what better to use as cannon fodder than the yeshiva bochers, students from strict Jewish religious schools! 

The Russians at least took the time to teach the yeshiva boys how to load their weapons and fire them. They might use up more of the enemy's time and artillery that way. 

Much to the Russians' surprise, they found that the yeshiva boys were all crack shots! Every one of them hit the target on the bullseye every time! So they moved the targets back farther just to see what the boys could do, and they were still hitting the target reliably! They moved the targets back even farther and the boys were hitting it better than their commander had ever seen! Russia's new secret weapon was a bunch of boys from the Torah Academy!

He took them out onto the battlefield where the enemy was approaching and commanded, "FIRE!", but not one of the boys fired a shot. "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!!! Why aren't you shooting like we taught you???"

One of the boys explained, "There's people out there! Somebody might get hurt!"

Popular posts from this blog

Did Moses know he was a Hebrew?

It seems to be a common notion, perpetuated by movies like Cecil B. DeMille's The Ten Commandments  and Disney's Prince of Egypt , that Moses grew up as a high-level member of Pharaoh's household with no idea that he was a Hebrew. But does that notion fit in with what it says in the Bible, or what Jewish tradition teaches about Moses? This week's Torah portion is Shemot, the beginning of the book of Exodus, so it's a good time to examine this question. We actually know very little about Moses' childhood from the Bible. Pharaoh had ordered all male children to be thrown into the Nile River at birth (Ex. 1:22). While that order was in effect, a boy was born to a man of the tribe of Levi and his wife, also of that tribe (Ex. 2:1-2). The parents are later identified (Num. 26:59) as Amram an Yocheved (that "ch" is pronounced like a throat-clearing noise). Yocheved could not bear to throw her beautiful new son to his death, so she hid him away for three mont...

Being Jewish at Christmas

Last March, I heard a DJ talking about March Madness, the annual insanity surrounding a college basketball tournament. She wasn't interested in it, but everyone in her office was obsessed with it. They had an office pool, a constant barrage of emails and parties to watch every game on TV. The DJ didn't want to be a part of it, but her co-workers pressured her to get involved. They tried to get her to participate in the pool, but she insisted that she didn't even know the names of the teams. Her co-workers assured her that it didn't matter who she bet on, it would be fun to play. They wouldn't take no for an answer. She wasn't trying to spoil their fun, but she wanted to be left alone. As I heard her talk about her frustration, I thought, "Now you know how it feels to be Jewish at Christmas." Think of something that you're not interested in but that everybody else seems to be talking about. Maybe it's a sporting event: March Madness, the Superbo...

A Very Veggie Pesach: Quinoa Stuffed Peppers; Quinoa Stuffed Cabbage

Quinoa is one of the best, most complete vegetarian sources of protein available.  It looks like a grain, but it's really a seed related to beets and spinach.  It has a mild nutty flavor and an interesting crunch. As I reported on my website , many widely-respected kosher certification organizations have indicated that quinoa (whole seeds, not processed) can be kosher for Passover.  See, e.g., Quinoa: The Grain That's Not (Star-K); Consumer Pesach Q and A (CRC, page 5 indicates that quinoa is not kitniyot, but can be used only if one is certain no forbidden grains are mixed in).  Nevertheless, there is some dispute about whether quinoa is forbidden, so you should check with your rabbi before using it.  See Curious about Kitniyot? (acknowledging that there are differences of opinion, OU does not recommend quinoa, but elsewhere says that if you use it you should inspect it carefully).  A food scientist with the Kashrut.com website has indicated that Anci...