Skip to main content

Jewish Humor: Reuben Kushner, the Jewish Robinson Crusoe

This is the story of Reuben Kushner, the Jewish Robinson Crusoe. He was stranded on an uncharted island for ten years before he was finally rescued.

When his rescuers arrived, they were amazed at what they found. Kushner had built himself only a small, humble home in the trees, but next to it was a magnificent building. "That is my synagogue," Kushner explained. He proceeded to give them the grand tour, pointing out with pride the ornately carved pews, bimah, podium and ark, the kiddush cup, menorah and candleholders, the ner tamid, everything a synagogue could want, all made with his own hands.

As Kushner and his rescuers left his synagogue, the rescuers spotted another, different but equally ornate building next to it. "What is that?" one of the rescuers asked.

"That?" Kushner spat with contempt..."That's the other synagogue. I wouldn't be caught dead in that!"

* * * * *


It is a sad but too often true tale of Jewish culture, I'm afraid. If we didn't have a synagogue across the street that was stricter or more lenient or just plain different, then we would certainly have to build one that we could hold in contempt, as Reuben Kushner did.

Jews are often our own worst enemies. In fact, the idea of an international Jewish conspiracy running the world is simply absurd because it is impossible to get two Jews to agree on anything, let alone how to run the world. The plethora of political parties in Israel should give you some idea of how fractured the Jewish community is. In his magnificent (but sadly out-of-print) book, Growing Up Jewish, Rabbi Jack Moline said it best: anyone who is stricter than you is a fanatic; anyone who is more lenient than you is a heretic.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Did Moses know he was a Hebrew?

It seems to be a common notion, perpetuated by movies like Cecil B. DeMille's The Ten Commandments  and Disney's Prince of Egypt , that Moses grew up as a high-level member of Pharaoh's household with no idea that he was a Hebrew. But does that notion fit in with what it says in the Bible, or what Jewish tradition teaches about Moses? This week's Torah portion is Shemot, the beginning of the book of Exodus, so it's a good time to examine this question. We actually know very little about Moses' childhood from the Bible. Pharaoh had ordered all male children to be thrown into the Nile River at birth (Ex. 1:22). While that order was in effect, a boy was born to a man of the tribe of Levi and his wife, also of that tribe (Ex. 2:1-2). The parents are later identified (Num. 26:59) as Amram an Yocheved (that "ch" is pronounced like a throat-clearing noise). Yocheved could not bear to throw her beautiful new son to his death, so she hid him away for three mont

Being Jewish at Christmas

Last March, I heard a DJ talking about March Madness, the annual insanity surrounding a college basketball tournament. She wasn't interested in it, but everyone in her office was obsessed with it. They had an office pool, a constant barrage of emails and parties to watch every game on TV. The DJ didn't want to be a part of it, but her co-workers pressured her to get involved. They tried to get her to participate in the pool, but she insisted that she didn't even know the names of the teams. Her co-workers assured her that it didn't matter who she bet on, it would be fun to play. They wouldn't take no for an answer. She wasn't trying to spoil their fun, but she wanted to be left alone. As I heard her talk about her frustration, I thought, "Now you know how it feels to be Jewish at Christmas." Think of something that you're not interested in but that everybody else seems to be talking about. Maybe it's a sporting event: March Madness, the Superbo

Afterthoughts about the Blessing of the Sun

I know it's a bit after the fact, and it won't really be relevant again for another 28 years, but this recently came up in a newsletter I received, and I simply had to say something about it. The Blessing of the Sun (Birkat Hachamah) is a blessing recited once every 28 years, commemorating the work of Creation, and specifically the creation of the sun. It was observed this year, 5769, on the morning of April 8, 2009. Now, many have noticed that the year number 5769 is not evenly divisible by 28. Dividing 5769 by 28 leaves a remainder of 1. One explanation that has been offered for the discrepancy, which appears to be a traditional explanation, says: The Sages have already explained to us that during the year of the Flood, the natural order of the world was suspended. That may be so, but it has absolutely nothing to do with why the division leaves a remainder of one. A better explanation is simple mathematics, and should be familiar to anyone who remembers the whole